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Saturday, May 17, 2014

10 Things I Hate About Two

My daughter is 2 and some days she drives me absolutely bonkers.

Don't get me wrong, I love her, but it's like someone snuck in one night and replaces my sweet baby girl with a half-crazed monster. Here are my top ten things I will NOT miss when this stage is over.

10. Shouting Appropriate Things in Public. Ok, so I know I'm stuck with this one for a while. Actually, I'm thirty and I occasionally say things I shouldn't in public places ....Not a good sign. Mostly I can just shrug it off. I mean, she's 2. It's to be expected. So when she asks me if that man's tattoos are "owies with stars" or shouts out "Where's the frog?"(which does not sound like "Where's the frog?"-use your imagination) or screams "Don't hit Fia!" I can deal with it. The only one I still find a little embarrassing is really a silly one. She calls her dad Papi, and calls all other men Daddy. So she points at random people and says, "It's Daddy over there?" When we're out in public without her dad, it's just weird. I feel obligated to explain to everybody that she really doesn't think that strange man is her Daddy.

9. Mind maker upper can't make up her mind. She asks for milk. As soon as I get the milk, she asks for juice. She asks for cat pj's. Once they are on she wants princess pj's. She wants to sleep with her stuffed cat. And then it's the elephant. And then it's Minnie. JUST PICK SOMETHING ALREADY!

8. Unofficial bathroom inspections. We are potty training and an unwelcome side effect is her sudden need to go in every bathroom in every single place we go. Including parks without bathrooms and gas stations with nasty single bathrooms. She doesn't actually pee in them. Just sits and then washes her hands. But I can't say no, because you are supposed to ask for a potty anytime you have to go. I have seen bathrooms in stores that I didn't even know had bathrooms available. My local Petco has a public bathroom (who knew?) but Old Navy does not. In case you needed to know.

7. It's coming! The end of the naps. Save yourselves! I know, some kids nap right up to kindergarden. My kid is determined not to be one of them. But the loss of her nap is causing an extra dose of evening crazy. So my choice is between putting her to bed at 10 and letting her be exhausted, or ditching her nap and putting her to bed right after supper, which means I see her for 1.5 hours a day, or skipping the nap and putting her to bed at her normal time which means the last 2 hours she is awake she is impersonating demonspawn because she's too exhausted to think straight. There is no right answer.

6. My child's unstoppable urge to touch EVERYTHING! Every. Single. Thing.

5. The pain. Seriously, am I the only one who's child beats her up regularly? Headbuts to my face. Elbows in the stomach. Putting glasses on my face and embedding them in my skin. Ow, ow ow.

4. Pee everywhere. Pee in her pants and the carpet and the couch and my lap. And that's not all. If she poops herself, she tries to go potty too late. Of course this involves pulling off her poopy pants which causes the poop to spread. Makes me think that diapers forever really wouldn't be all that bad.

3. No? What is this word? The girl is nothing if not persistant.
Her: "Cookie?"
Me: "Not right now. Mommy's cooking supper."
Her: "Because I want a cookie."
Me: "You can't have one right now. I am cooking supper."
Her: "Mommy, I want a cookie."
Me: "I said no. You can have a cookie after supper."
Her: "Cookie?"
Me: "No cookie."
Her: "I want a cookie."
Me: "No."
Her: "Okay." *blink blink* "Cookie?"

2. "Why?" This is a new development. I knew it was coming. I don't even really mind answering. The thing is that she doesn't use it appropriately.
Her: "What is that?"
Me: "It's a toaster."
Her: "Why?"
Me: " toasts things."
Her: "Why?"
Me: "Because it's a toaster."
Her: "Why?"
Me: "Because it toasts things."
Not sure where else I can go with that explaination.

1. It's going waaay too fast. Sure age 2 is frustrating and difficult. But it's also speeding by. Stay-tuned for the 10 things I love about 2. Same tangled time. Same tangled channel.

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