A woman at work quit today. Normally a non-event.
She just returned from maternity leave, worked less than a week and quit.
It's reawakened this terrible desire I have to be home with my daughter. I have nothing against working mothers. Some mothers are happier and better mothers when they work outside the home. I am not one of those people. I would make a great Donna Reed. I was made to be a homemaker and it kills me that I can't.
I am so lucky that my daughter can stay with family. I am incredibly grateful for that. I am so lucky in so many ways. I like my job. I like my boss. But I hate going there. I hate it every day. I can't help thinking of all the things I am missing-about how her life would be different.
I would give up anything to be home, but we're already as close to the edge as we can stand. The only thing left to give up is utilities.
I can deal with it. I have no choice and it's really not as bad as it could be. Not as bad as a lot of people have it. But every once in a while she is in a stay-home-and-cuddle mood in the morning, or we had a troublesome night and both want to sleep in, or some slight imagined dig (like the Mother's groups all being at 10 in the morning), or someone I know talks about their stay-at-home-mom day and there's nothing I can do but mourn the missed opportunity.
So today I will sit and cry and look online for work-from-home jobs that don't exist until 2 in the morning. Tomorrow I will go to work and I will hate it. And I'll do my best to make the most of the 3.5 hours I will see my child tomorrow. Saturday we will sleep in all the way until 8:30. We'll eat cinnamon rolls. And I'll try to remember to be grateful for all the things I've been blessed with and let go of the things I can't control.
Until next time she is in a stay-home-and-cuddle mood in the morning, or we had a troublesome night and both want to sleep in, or someone I know talks about their stay-at-home-mom day. And one day she will grow out of stay-home-and-cuddle-moods. And that will be a new thing to try to let go of.
No comments:
Post a Comment